


Just a hug

by Superwholock88



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Not A Fix-It, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 05:54:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11052687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superwholock88/pseuds/Superwholock88
Summary: Well I'm not in a great headspace and I typed this out and decided to make Stiles my target. Just a short little journal entry. This is not a happy fic. I may or may not make a fix to it.





	Just a hug

Sometimes I just want a hug.   
It’s not like you can just walk up to people and say “hug me please” without looking stupid. Most people give hugs freely I suppose but I’m sort of blocked off. I don’t enjoy physical touch like most but then there are times like now that I just desperately wish I had someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me it will all be ok. Then there's the voice telling me oh so much.   
“You're selfish”  
“Nobody has time for that”   
“What did you do to earn affection”   
I know for the most part that affection isn’t something to be earned but its damn hard to get out of a mindset you were raised in. I know it’s screwed up but it’s just how my brain works. You do blah, blah, blah and earn a hug, a caress, a kiss. Probably this stems from the abuse I survived oh so long ago but if I still have these issues from that does that make me broken. It was literally years ago that it ended and yet I shrink a way from touch and crave it at the same time how screwed up does that make me. I know I'm messed up sexually too or at least that’s what most people would think. I have zero desire to have sex with anyone yet intimacy, I crave desperately. My ideal relationship is laying on the couch against someone's chest, them stroking my hair, a kiss on the neck while we lazily watch a movie. And yet that’s where it ends for me, I don’t want more affection than that and yet I desperately want that small bit. It would be unfair to ask anyone to step into that kind of relationship so I just close it off, hide it away. Then there’s just the friendly touch not anything romantic, friends hug right? How do I go about asking for affection when I only want it on my terms? I’m just a big ball of complicated messy brokenness. Anyway I suppose your wondering why I’m bothering to write any of this down. I honestly don’t know . I just want to get it out somehow and journaling seems the way to go so I don’t weigh anyone down with my doom and gloom. People think I’m just this happy, super go lucky person and I suppose I am. Mostly though it’s because I don’t want anyone to ever feel as down and alone as I so often do, so I make sure others are happy and if not I crack a joke or do something else to cheer them up because they matter. Me, I don’t feel like I matter all that much. Not suicidal or anything but the world would keep on spinning even if it didn’t have me in it. In the grand scheme of things I don’t matter. Anyway back to the whole point of this entry, hugging. Is it a crime to just want to be held sometimes? Or to wish that friends would give a friendly back slap or nudge? Even just a grasped shoulder would do at this point in time but I’m beginning to feel like I’m toxic to those around me. No I know that's not true I just don’t know why no one can see that all I desperately need is a good strong warm hug. Just two arms wrapped around my shoulders holding right, keeping me upright for just a little longer. It’s my deepest held secret, one I may never tell for fear of being made fun of, one that I’m desperately afraid of being found out. Because I can deal with the longing for embraces but I can never deal with the rejection if I were to ask for the one thing I desire, a hug.


End file.
